London is full of women who trust their husbands. One can always recognize them. They look so thoroughly unhappy.
March 2008
Divorce360 reports that a study indicates that infidelity is “estimated to be present in up to 90% of divorces…the betrayed partner experiences post-traumatic-like stress symptoms that if left untreated can escalate into major problems…therapy can result in a more favorable outcome for the couple…”
Conclusion: If you are getting divorced because of infidelity, you are not alone.
Note: If you are interested in learning more about how infidelity affects a divorce in Chicago, please read Spying on Your Spouse and A New Love During Divorce.
The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide has a good overview on dispute resolution options in a divorce. It lists the possibilities as:
- Kitchen Table Negotiations,
- Divorce Mediators,
- Divorce Arbitration, and
- Litigation
The article takes note that not all states offer arbitration as an option in a divorce. Illinois is one of those states that do not offer arbitration in divorce proceedings.
ARBITRATION
Arbitration is when both parties agree to allow someone to make a binding decision on their case. Basically, the arbitrator plays the role of a judge. However, the process of arbitration is usually much less formal than a courtroom proceeding. Illinois law forbids arbitration in divorce proceedings because of the potentially disastrous consequences that a bad decision might have on the divorcing couple.
MEDIATION
Mediation seems to be the latest legal fashion. There are statistics to show that couples who mediate save tons of money. Although this might be true, these statistics are very unreliable. The statistics fluctuate between mediation saving you a few hundred dollars to saving you tens of thousands of dollars.
The statistics also fail to point out that couples who choose mediation tend to be less bitter and more willing to work things out between themselves. Regardless of whether they chose mediation or not, couples who consider mediation will likely end up paying a lot less for a divorce than a couple who cannot see themselves agreeing on anything.
So, what if a bitter and angry couple tried mediation? Well, a mediator lawyer often signs an agreement that they will not represent you in trial if the case does not settle. Thus, if you cannot settle, you will have to get a new attorney, pay them to get acquainted with the case and end up in court anyway. This will probably end up costing you a lot more than it would have cost you hire a regular divorce lawyer at the beginning of the proceeding.
LITIGATION
Having said all this, I think that a divorce lawyer with mediation experience can be very useful. I went through extensive training in mediation at Northwestern School of Law and what I learned about diffusing volatile situations and getting parties to understand each other has been very helpful in my practice of law. However, I find that the threat of going to trial often helps parties act more reasonable and reach a quicker agreement. The threat of litigation gives angry spouses the incentive to be reasonable since – if they behave unreasonably – a judge order them to do the right thing.
Although family and friends can be a great support network, sometimes they are not enough. This is especially true if you have been seriously wronged by your spouse or are going through a particularly painful divorce. Often, talking to a third party can help you gain a more objective view of your situation.
Conclusion: Therapy is good.
One of the first questions I ask my clients is about their support network. How close are they to their family? Do they have friends to confide in?
People who have a good support network are better prepared for the emotional minefield that often accompanies a divorce. Family and friends can give you the support you need when you are insecure or questioning yourself. Just their presence is often enough to convince you that you are a person worthy of love and that your divorce is just a bad situation that you are going through.
If you are not close to your family and/or don’t have close friends there is no need to despair. Many people manage just fine all by themselves. Also, you can use your newfound freedom to take a class or join a club. Seeing new people who appreciate you can have a great effect on your self-esteem, divorce and future happiness.
Conclusion: There is a world full of people who are not your spouse.
