There are few things more detrimental to a divorce proceeding than a very bitter spouse. Judges are experts at picking up the bitterness. Any motion or demand made by the bitter party will be viewed with distrust. Thus, it is very important in a divorce to have control of your emotions – if only to keep the judge on your side.
If you are like 90% of divorcing people and are having anger issues about the divorce, it may help to speak with a therapist. A therapist will help you analyze your situation and work through your emotions. This, in turn, will help your divorce proceed more smoothly.
Conclusion: Bitterness can only hurt you.
Speak when you are angry — and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
– Laurence J. Peter (1919 – 1988)
Divorce Solicitor blogs from England about our unrealistic expectations for our husbands or wives:
The behaviour we expect of others in a relationship is often unrealistic. For example, my ex husband (a Man Utd fan) rang me at midnight on Wednesday to tell me that Man Utd had won. If he had done that whilst we were married I would have gone nuts!!!! I would have called him a selfish pig and he would definitely have been sleeping in the spare room. Now I simply find his behaviour amusing.
For the full post please see Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?
My favorite Chapter of the book is Chapter 5 (Know How and Where to Get Legal Help). This chapter tells you what steps to take to find the right lawyer. It also teaches you about your lawyer’s duties to you as well as your duties to your lawyer.
Lawyers have many duties toward their clients. These include:
- Keeping you informed,
- Abiding by your decisions,
- Keeping matters confidential,
- Moving your case along,
- Explaining the bills, and
- Courteous treatment.
According to Judge Duncan, your duties as a Client are:
- Tell the truth,
- Respond promptly to requests,
- Paying your bill, and
- Don’t be a pest.
Overall, this book offers lots of useful insight from an experienced judge on how best to solve the issues arising out of your divorce.
Conclusion: Although Judge Duncan is from California, I feel that this book is very useful for people seeking divorce in Chicago, Illinois.
One of the major problems that Judge Duncan has with divorce court is that it is adversarial in nature. He states:
Once divorce lawyers have taken a case into court, they are required to rely upon the historical underpinnings of the adversary system, and normally have little choice but to follow the same procedures as business and criminal lawyers in getting ready for their trials.
Judge Duncan also points out other harmful aspects of taking your divorce problems to court, such as: high costs, antagonism and angst, harm to children, long delays, overloaded calendars, wrong decisions, lying witnesses and disgruntled judges.
Judge Duncan recommends that you avoid these problems by talking things out with your spouse or using alternative dispute resolution methods such as mediation.
Tomorrow: My favorite chapter.
