Recently, the Chicago Tribune published a very instructive financial article on the importance of having a Qualified Domestic Relations Order when splitting retirement funds in a divorce:
Divorcing couples can split retirement accounts and even cash them out penalty-free as part of a settlement, but it has to be executed properly, and this is what many couples fail to do, divorce planners said.
You might have heard the rumors. It seems that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are headed for a divorce. According to news reports, they plan on making their divorce as clean and amicable as possible.
Apparently, Madonna and Ritchie have learned from the McCartney divorce and are intent on not repeating the same mistakes. Also, they are aware that a friendly divorce will be best for their children. Thus, they are keeping things private and will not be talking to the press much about their marital problems.
Maryland divorce lawyers have unwittingly found themselves in the middle of an unfounded internet scandal…
Making Things Better
Divorce often carries with it many difficulties for families (less money, new home, changed lifestyle…etc). It also carries with it the opportunity to learn how to deal with adversity and resolve conflict in a mature way.
One of the key skills necessary for success in our society is the ability to resolve conflict. Law schools and business schools offer entire courses on Conflict Resolution. By watching you deal with your divorce in a mature and sensible way, your children will learn the skills necessary for future success.
Thus, for your children’s sake, communicate with your spouse as best you can. Try to see their point of view. Don’t view things in black and white. And – remember – your children will be learning from you.
Sometimes your spouse may not set the best example for the children. Regardless of your spouse’s behavior, though, you should always take the high road. It is important for your children to have at least one parent teaching them the right way to deal with problems.
Conclusion: By approaching your divorce in a mature and reasonable way you will have more resources to invest on the children (such as more money, time and energy to spend on them – rather than in divorce proceedings). At the same time you will teach your children the conflict resolution skills they need to succeed later in life.
An in-depth look at the problems facing children
Yesterday we took a superficial look at some of the problems faced by divorcing families. Today, we take a deeper look at the difficulties faced by children and their parents during and after divorce.
Less money
It should come as a surprise that divorce is expensive. Attorney’s fees in bitter divorces can be exorbitant. Also, just finding new housing for each parent is often an overwhelming burden couples for couples that are already financially struggling.
On top of the these expenses, the stress of a bitter divorce can affect a parent’s (or both parents’) job performance. Some people are so overwhelmed that they have trouble focusing on their jobs. This could result in getting fired and/or passed up for a promotion. The stress of a divorce may also cause people to take financial risks they might not have otherwise taken, such as increased gambling or compulsive shopping.
The more money spent and/or wasted, the less money for the children. Thus, as a result of the natural consequences of divorce, many children find themselves less financially well off than before.
Less parental time
During a divorce, there are many issues that parents must attend to. Instead of spending the weekend with the children, they must now focus their energies on reading court documents, strategizing with their attorneys and searching for old financial documents requested by the other spouse.
After a divorce, the residential parent must not only take care of the home and children, but must also hold a full-time job (since in Chicago alimony is usually only granted for a short period). This, obviously, takes a toll on the quality time the residential parent spends with the children.
On the other hand, the non-residential parent usually only gets to see the children one evening a week and every other weekend. This is usually much less parent-child time than before the divorce.
Animosity between parents
Parental arguing is common in married, divorcing and divorced couples. However, parental animosity often increases exponentially during a divorce. This is normal. After all, a divorce is all about settling issues so you can both move on with your lives. Uncontrolled parental animosity, however, can seriously affect the emotional well-being of the children.
Tomorrow: Making Things Better
See Children & Divorce Part 3 of 3
Marie Fahnert is a divorce lawyer in Chicago, Illinois. Her address is:
Fahnert LLC 25 East Washington Street Suite 1237 Chicago, Illinois 60602
Call Marie at 312.235.2352 or email her at marie@fahnertlaw.com