We have come a long way since the 50′s. Women have entered the work force. Spouses are now expected to share the household chores and the rearing of the children. Nearly everyone now agrees that gender bias is wrong. Yet, there is one area where it appears we haven’t evolved at all: alimony for men.
Statistics show that “Thirty-three percent of higher-earning spouses are women, but fewer than four percent of alimony payers are women,” according to a CNN article on male alimony.
Some people blame the legal system for this unfairness. However, in my opinion, the alimony inequality has less to do with a biased legal system as it has to do with the divorcing couple’s own attitude. For example, men will often refuse to consider asking for alimony even if they have sacrificed their careers for their wife’s career. Similarly, a woman who has to pay alimony tends to be significantly more outraged than her male counterpart.
Women will never achieve full equality until men stop being stigmatized for earning less than their wives. Simply speaking – if alimony rates for men stay as they are – a married man will never have the same incentive as a woman to invest in his spouse’s career.
Conclusion: Equality for men = Equality for women
A public defender recently posted on her blog a funny video of a fake divorce lawyer advertisement. I’m not posting the video here because the actor, although funny, is not someone with whom I want to be associated (it’s OK for her to post it, she’s not a divorce lawyer).
The fake ad was meant to be entertaining. Yet it also showcases some of the signs of a bad family lawyer. Below are some signs to watch out for when hiring a family lawyer in Chicago.
You should avoid a family lawyer who:
- Empathizes too much with your pain. If you have a stomach ache, you don’t want the doctor seeing you identifying with your pain. You want the doctor to be objective and fix your ailment. Same thing goes for lawyers.
- Doesn’t listen to you. A good lawyer should have a good understanding of your personality, desires and wishes. This can only be achieved through empathetic listening.
- Promises to avenge. Illinois laws are set up to help both divorcing parties establish themselves after a divorce. There is no place in a Chicago divorce courtroom for vengeance. Your lawyer should tell you this.
- Calls your spouse names. It is common – although not recommended – for divorcing couples to call each other names. It is unacceptable, however, for a lawyer to engage in this kind of conduct. Your lawyer should be seeking to help you view your situation objectively. Name-calling is never objective.
- Uses inflammatory language. Over the top language does not help resolve conflict. It won’t help you reach a fair outcome in your case. It only makes things worse. When used by a lawyer, inflammatory language also shows a lack of professionalism.
- Excessively criticizes other lawyers. In ideal divorces there is a lot of collaboration and trust between the opposing lawyers. A lawyer who cannot get along with other lawyers could wreak havoc on this balance. Also, these things are usually reciprocal – why don’t other lawyers like your lawyer?
- Tells you he’ll “take care” of the divorce for you. There is no divorce lawyer who can “take care” of your case while you sip a martini. Divorce is hard work for everyone involved. There are documents to produce, depositions to attend and court documents to review. Anyone who claims otherwise is not being honest.
- Predicts the future. Some parts of a case can be somewhat accurately predicted (i.e., non-custodial parent of 3 will have to pay 32% of their income in child support). Most outcomes are not so clear. In truth, outcomes are often a gamble. A lawyer who tells you they have all the answers may be full of hot air.
- Buys your blatant lies. Nobody likes a liar or a cheater. If your divorce lawyer overlooks your bad behavior it is not because they like you. They’ll drop you like a hot potato when you run out of cash.
- Does not express his views. It is a lawyer’s job to encourage clients to make the best decisions for their case. This is often in conflict with the path a client feels is best. A lawyer who does not make his views known might be doing you a great disservice.
For more information on finding the right divorce lawyer for you please see Best Divorce Lawyer in Chicago? and The Right Divorce Lawyer for You.
I just finished reading a post from a Chicago estate planning lawyer on the joys of collaborating with other lawyers when drafting a premarital agreement. In the post, he talks about how wonderful it is to use the diverse expertise of each lawyer to draft the best possible premarital agreement. He concludes:
This is one of the reasons why I like working with a non-estate planner on a prenup, and if possible working collaboratively — we can review the agreement from many different perspectives to make sure it “works.”
I don’t do as many prenuptial agreements as I would like. My practice is generally focused on divorces and similar family law problems. Although I try to make the cases I handle as peaceful and collaborative as possible, it is generally impossible to totally quench the adversarial nature of divorce proceedings. Thus, it was with a twinge of envy that I read the post.
An Australian blogger recently asked, Are Women to Blame for Divorce? and attempted to answer the question. Among the reasons for women being at fault are:
- 75% of women initiate divorce,
- Adultery or abuse only accounted for 20% of divorces filed, and
- Women are likelier to get custody of the children so they are less reluctant to divorce than men.
Judging by the 436 comments left so far, the blog has created a considerable amount of controversy. One commenter states “Women FILE for the divorce….translation..it was the man’s fault. If she was happy, she wouldn’t file for divorce in the first place now would she?“
Conclusion: There’s nothing like a silly question to get people talking!
