Divorce Solicitor blogs from England about our unrealistic expectations for our husbands or wives:
The behaviour we expect of others in a relationship is often unrealistic. For example, my ex husband (a Man Utd fan) rang me at midnight on Wednesday to tell me that Man Utd had won. If he had done that whilst we were married I would have gone nuts!!!! I would have called him a selfish pig and he would definitely have been sleeping in the spare room. Now I simply find his behaviour amusing.
For the full post please see Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?
At the beginning of a divorce many people do not see themselves negotiating anything with their spouses. They feel that only a judge can justly resolve the issues arising out of the divorce. This is often not the case.
A judge does not know you. He does not know the dynamics of your marriage. Were you passed up for a promotion because of your spouse? Were you the one who put in all the effort to make the marriage work? Did you work full-time and also take care of the kids? Did your spouse get a better job through your contacts? Was your spouse irresponsible with money?
The above questions are difficult and expensive to resolve in a trial. Some questions may not even be legally relevant. Also, the judge’s decision will be based on what he considers fair, not what you and/or your spouse think is right. Thus, a judge’s decision may not reflect what either of you wanted.
After you and your spouse cool off, you may realize the two of you are the only ones who know what each party sacrificed for the marriage. It is only those who have an intimate knowledge of an issue that can reach a truly fair agreement. In the case of a divorce, only you and your spouse have the knowledge needed to reach the fairest of settlements.
Conclusion: You know best.
Attorney Al Nye from Maine has a great post on the 12 things you should do before filing for divorce. Here's a highlight:
- Don't do it,
- Get a lawyer,
- Kids first,
- Copy important financial documents,
- Find out what you own,
- Find out what you owe,
- Determine your spouse's income,
- Figure out what happens when you more out,
- Divide up bank accounts,
- Know what you can earn,
- Take a look at your credit history,
- Save, save, save.
Please read Nye's entire post for a more in-depth explanation of each point.
Conclusion: Divorce takes work and preparation.
