Our current president, Barack Obama, is the second president (after Gerald Ford) to have experienced the divorce of his parents. It is possible, as this Huffington Post article points out, that Obama learned from this experience how to navigate difficult situations with grace:
Indeed, most divorces require negotiation, compromise and agreeing to disagree. You learn the importance of being reserved and reflective vs. being rash. And why perhaps he likes being No Drama Obama.
During the times that Obama was growing up, divorce – and bi-racial children – were not the norm. Yet Obama’s mother, Ann Dunham, handled these “problems” with grace and dignity. She was a positive person who taught her children how to navigate difficult waters without becoming overwhelmed. Instead of focusing on past wrongs or current difficulties, Obama’s mother chose to focus on a brighter future.
The qualities that Obama learned from his mother are reflected in how he has run his life and – most recently – how quickly he was able to overcome differences with Hillary Clinton to select her as Secretary for the Department of State.
A great leader is someone who can think long term and put petty personal issues aside. These are the same qualities that parents going through a divorce can teach their children.
Conclusion: Divorce is incredibly difficult and painful for everyone involved. However, if handled properly, divorce can teach children the necessary skills for a successful future.
I just came across this video of a therapy game for children of divorce. I’m not sure what to think. I got really stressed out just by watching the video. It is certainly good to acquaint divorce lawyers with confusion and pain that some children of divorce feel. However, is this appropriate for children? Wouldn’t it make a child going through a difficult custody battle feel even worse?
The Professor believes that the men should be held financially responsible for their offspring. However, she sees no benefit in “roping” the man in as the “father” and forcing him to co-raise the child. She believes that the child would be better off raised alone by the mother or by man of the mother’s own choosing.
This is my response to her article (assuming Illinois law applies):
No one will force a father who does not want custody into joint custody. This means that the “father” does not need to do any “raising”.
If the father doesn’t want visitation and the mother agrees, this can be included in the parenting agreement. Anyway, there is very little that a court or judicial system can do to force a non-custodial parent to visit with their child.
If the mother finds a husband who is a better “father” for her child, then the biological father can waive his parental rights and give up the child for adoption.
Recognizing the reluctant biological father as the “father” of a child encourages the man to pay child support and take responsibility for his child.
In essence, apart from child-support, there is very little that the law requires from a reluctant father. However, changing the law to take away the rights of any father would create devastating results for caring, loving fathers and their children.
I will cut the Seattle Professor some slack though, she’s not a divorce lawyer in Chicago and hasn’t seen the harm that children suffer from a distant relationship with their fathers.
If you have tried communicating with your co-parent as to their decision to deny you access to your child but it has been of no use, or if your co-parent has been telling the child really mean and viscous things about you, your co-parent may indeed be trying to alienate you from your child. In this kind of situation it may be best to fight for full custody of the child and/or get supervised visitation for the alienating parent.
When dealing with an alienating co-parent you should:
Stay clear-headed, calm and reasonable (i.e. don’t do anything that can be used against you),
Take immediate legal action (lack of action may be interred by the court as indifference),
Hire a very good lawyer (to fight for visitation, custody and all other legal problems that will pop up),
Keep a journal documenting your interactions with the child and the other parent (to prove your good behavior and concern for the child), and
Attempt to get psychological help for your child (to avoid long-term emotional scars).
If your child’s other parent is trying to alienate you, re-establishing a connection with your child can be long, expensive and exhausting. However, courts do recognize that parental alienation exists and have reversed custody (or denied the alienating parent visitation) in cases where the attempts at alienation can be proven. Conclusion: There is hope.
During divorce proceedings it is common for a parent to accuse the other parent of Parental Alienation. Sometimes these claims are justified and sometimes they are not.
Children experience many changes during a divorce. They may act up as a result. The children may say “I hate you” or refuse to visit you. This does not necessarily mean that the child’s other parent put them up to it. The child may also be acting up with the other parent.
Another possibility, is that even though the other parent is well-meaning, he/or she may have a deep distrust of you. If your child acts up or says they are “scared” to visit you, the co-parent may hit the roof. The other parent may imagine that you are talking bad about them to the child or that you are engaging in some kind of abusive behavior toward the child. The other parent may then attempt to deny you access to the child.
If it happens to you, try to stay calm. Do not accuse the other parent of trying to alienate the children. Instead, ask the other parent to explain their actions.
By communicating with your child’s other parent, you may both come to the realization the child is acting up with both parents or that your new puppy scares the children. The problem can then be resolved quickly and efficiently. Conclusion: Communication is essential.
Our current president, Barack Obama, is the second president (after Gerald Ford) to have experienced the divorce of his parents. It is possible, as this Huffington Post article points out, that Obama learned from this experience how to navigate difficult situations with grace:
An associate law professor at the Seattle University School of Law argues that 
If you have tried communicating with your co-parent as to their decision to deny you access to your child but it has been of no use, or if your co-parent has been telling the child really mean and viscous things about you, your co-parent may indeed be trying to alienate you from your child. In this kind of situation it may be best to fight for full custody of the child and/or get supervised visitation for the alienating parent.
During divorce proceedings it is common for a parent to accuse the other parent of Parental Alienation. Sometimes these claims are justified and sometimes they are not. 