Chicago Divorce Lawyer

Parental Alienation - Part 3 of 3

If you have tried communicating with your co-parent as to their decision to deny you access to your child but it has been of no use, or if your co-parent has been telling the child really mean and viscous things about you, your co-parent may indeed be trying to alienate you from your child. In this kind of situation it may be best to fight for full custody of the child and/or get supervised visitation for the alienating parent.

When dealing with an alienating co-parent you should:

1. Stay clear-headed, calm and reasonable (i.e. don’t do anything that can be used against you),
2. Take immediate legal action (lack of action may be interred by the court as indifference),
3. Hire a very good lawyer (to fight for visitation, custody and all other legal problems that will pop up),
4. Keep a journal documenting your interactions with the child and the other parent (to prove your good behavior and concern for the child), and
5. Attempt to get psychological help for your child (to avoid long-term emotional scars).

If your child’s other parent is trying to alienate you, re-establishing a connection with your child can be long, expensive and exhausting. However, courts do recognize that parental alienation exists and have reversed custody (or denied the alienating parent visitation) in cases where the attempts at alienation can be proven.

Conclusion: There is hope.

Parental Alienation - Part 2 of 3

During divorce proceedings it is common for a parent to accuse the other parent of Parental Alienation. Sometimes these claims are justified and sometimes they are not.

Children experience many changes during a divorce. They may act up as a result. The children may say “I hate you” or refuse to visit you. This does not necessarily mean that the child’s other parent put them up to it. The child may also be acting up with the other parent.

Another possibility, is that even though the other parent is well-meaning, he/or she may have a deep distrust of you. If your child acts up or says they are “scared” to visit you, the co-parent may hit the roof. The other parent may imagine that you are talking bad about them to the child or that you are engaging in some kind of abusive behavior toward the child. The other parent may then attempt to deny you access to the child.

If it happens to you, try to stay calm. Do not accuse the other parent of trying to alienate the children. Instead, ask the other parent to explain their actions.

By communicating with your child’s other parent, you may both come to the realization the child is acting up with both parents or that your new puppy scares the children. The problem can then be resolved quickly and efficiently.

Conclusion: Communication is essential.

Parental Alienation - Part 1 of 3

There is a lot of controversy about Parental Alienation Syndrome. This is when one parent tries to turn the children against another parent. Some experts claim PAS does not exist. Others claim it is a mental illness.

Although I am unsure that PAS is such a specific ailment that it should be considered a mental illness, I have no doubt that sometimes children get caught up in the animosity of a bitter divorce. Even the most devoted parent may be unable to shield the child from the anger they feel toward the other parent. For example:

Imagine your child has a precious new teddy bear given to him by your ex. Your child loves the teddy bear.

If you are angry at your ex, you might not show the teddy bear the full love it deserves. You may throw the teddy bear on the couch rather than sitting it upright. Or you may absentmindedly stuff it in the toy box instead of setting it up in the child’s bed.

Your child will notice this and be hurt. He may even fear that by loving the teddy bear he is betraying you.

Of course, the example above is a very mild form of parental alienation. However, it does show how even a good and caring parent can make a child feel that he has to choose sides.

Thus, if you are a parent, it is very, very important that you overcome your negative feelings toward the other parent as quickly as possible. Your children spend a great deal of time with you and they are experts at reading your emotions. Even if you don’t say anything, your child will know when you are angry at the other parent.

Conclusion: Work through your anger quickly.

1st Mother's Day After Divorcing

The first Mother's Day after a divorce can be awkward. In Chicago most Parenting Agreements include a clause that the children will spend Mother's Day with their mother. Apart from this, however, few parent's give Mother's Day much thought until the day arrives. Here are some tips from Divorce 360 on how parents can get the most out of this special day:

1. Accept that there will be anger from the children,
2. Try to keep the routine for the kids,
3. Be respectful of your ex as you work out the details,
4. Parent's should facilitate helping children with gifts,
5. Enlist the aid of others,
6. Develop new traditions and rituals, and
7. Show consideration for the former mother-in-law.

If done properly, Mother's Day can help validate the children's love for their mother and establish a foundation of trust between the parents that will serve everybody well in the years to come.